Well, time is winding down. I have my summer time ta do list hanging in my room. I haven’t really worked on much of it. But weather really has out a damper on the paddling thing! My yoga and pushups have been struggling. Can’t do the pistol squats! Well, I have been afraid to anyway because of my knees. Spanish and uke thing…yeah..slacking! my reading has fallen behind.. BUT it’s still only half way through August, and this season could go for another month and a half! That is still a lot of fucking time on this boat! However, I keep hearing we spend a lot more time in the cove come September, which might mean spending a lot more time with the Tahoe gang. Or not! Who knows. I hope so, like if I can do stuff with them! Like some exploring and what not.
Anyway, I’m not quite sure what I want to write about.
Just let the mind trail I guess…
What am I doing? The eternal question. I just cannot wait to be back with my pup. Traveling alone might be hard. I mean I know it will be hard, and lonely. I am not sure what it is but I just feel like I have to do this. And I have to do this now. Now is my chance to make this happen. The perfect time to give it a go. So I am just so anxious for Fall to be here and to get this going! Anxious to see if this is really what I want, if it is really what I will enjoy, if it is really what I need. Will I love it? Will I just survive it? I have this dream of just LOVING it. Feeling the complete sense of freedom and not even knowing if I could actually live another way. I am also scared though. What if I hate it? What I if I put all this money and energy into wanting this and making it happen and it turns out it is not for me what so ever? So what, I guess…right? I mean if that is the case at least I tried. I have to try. If I don’t I will always wonder. I feel like I have been searching for something I could do for work from the road so that I have something to do and keep me distracted when I am sad, or lonely. Like something I HAVE to do that will get my mind off of things when I need to. I guess I could just work on my self-discipline too. Find other things to make myself do to get out of those funks when they arise. Sometimes I just like to sit in that funk though and let it pass. And I suppose that’s not actually a bad thing. It’s important to recognize those things and feel them out, occasionally at least.
I have to do this.
I just want to spend the winter exploring. I want to go to new places. Meet new people. Do new things! Absolutely have to do this. I guess I also worry that if I do this I might get scared or tired of going new places alone. Never having friends or knowing anyone, and end up staying in familiar places and not getting out there. Especially with socks not being the friendliest. BUT there is no question that he will be with me! I CANNOT do this without him. I WILL NOT do this without him. Makes me want to get another puppy though haha. And train him real good and maybe socksie will learn some stuff. But that’s just a huge handful. I cannot have two full grown big dogs and be leaving doing the things I do or want to do. I am not sure why I am thinking about getting a second dog right now. It’s insane. I just miss my baby so much I cannot wait to see him. I actually need to quit talking about him so that I don’t get myself all worked up and sad.